I Wish
by DigiExpert
Summary: When Neviril wakes in the night, it's always Aaeru who's there. Aaeru, who provides the comfort and solace that Neviril needs most.


**For the record, I have never attempted to do a story in 1st person POV. I suppose I probably should have with the amount of time I've been writing, but I've never done so. I figured that Aaeru would be a good place to start. **

I wake up again. It's nighttime and the stars are bright in the dark sky. I hear the sounds of nature around me, and then I hear you. My body reacts before my head does. I'm just not awake yet. You've woken up again. You had another one, didn't you? I know that look on your face. I reach for you, pulling you to me. I want you to calm down, but you're still stuck there.

Your hands grab at my shirt and you hold tightly. I forget sometimes that you have a really strong grip. You sob and my shirt becomes wet, but I don't mind. Sometimes I'm not sure if I do any good. I'm not so good at this, but I'd only admit it to you. "Neviril… Neviril…" I whisper, but I don't know if you hear me. I feel your hands tighten against my shirt and you only cry harder.

I don't know how to make you feel better. I wish you wouldn't have these nightmares. They make you hurt and I hate that. I want to do something, but I don't know what and I don't know how. I can't fix this and it bothers me. There should be a way and there isn't. You told me before that none of the other girls knew about them. You said they started after you thought Amuria was killed. Even though we think she's not dead, you still have them. You can't get rid of them. It bothers you. I wonder if it makes you feel weak. I hate feeling weak and helpless, like that time I was caught by the soldier with Limone. I took matters into my own hands, but for a bit… I had no idea what to do. I didn't have much of a choice though.

Your sobs are slowly dying away, I suddenly realize. I lean down and kiss the top of your head, tightening my arms around your body. I don't want to let you go; not now. I want to know what's making you upset tonight. I just don't know if you'll tell me. "What was your nightmare about?"

For a few moments, there's no answer from you. Sometimes you just don't want to speak until morning. I am about ready to ask again, but then you speak. It's really soft and I can't hear much at first. I try listening more closely.

"You… you… I lost you…" And then there's silence.

My heart hurts with the very thought. You have many kinds of nightmares, but this is the type that always makes you the most upset. I'm not sure if I want to know how you lost me this time. Sometimes I'm killed. Sometimes I leave you. Sometimes I even give up on you. I'd never do any of these things to you. I've told you this before, but sometimes I say the wrong thing. It makes things worse, but I am only telling the truth. Still… I love you. And that means I won't leave you.

I figure that a direct approach is better than some of my other tries. "How?" Maybe you'll tell me what happened. Then maybe I can help you from there. I hope so. I really hope so.

You take a deep breath before you speak. Again, I have to listen closely because you speak so softly. "They shot you. They wanted me, but you wouldn't let them have me. So when they pulled the trigger, you… you…" It takes you a few moments to speak the next part. I keep waiting for you to finish. "You moved in front of me. I saw the bullet enter your chest, and then you crumpled against me." Your sobs begin all over again. I think I've made it worse. I know I've made it worse, but I had to know.

I learned my lesson the first time I told you I wouldn't die so easily. It didn't… it didn't make things any better. I don't say that this time. Maybe I could die easily. I don't know. I'd make sure I didn't. As I think about what I would do, I feel you start to pull away from me. I quickly pull you back. "What are you doing?" I'm confused. I don't know why you'd pull away.

"You're thinking that you wouldn't die easily, aren't you?"

I shake my head. "I'm not."

"I'm sorry."

Again, I'm confused. "Sorry for what?"

"For this. For acting like this. I don't know why I still have nightmares. After all this time…they still haven't stopped."

I feel relieved. "I don't mind," I say softly, resting my head on top of yours. "I don't mind that you wake me up and I don't mind that you cry against me until you feel better." You're quiet; I don't even hear a sob from you. I continue. "I can't control death. And I can't control your nightmares. But I know I'm not going to willingly leave your side, Neviril." You go tense in my arms and I make sure you won't try to escape. I'm not sure how you'll react to my words. "I can't… I don't want to… I love you."

Your body shakes for a moment and then you look up at me. I see your tear-stained face and all I can do is smile at you. You nod and whisper, "Thank you... for understanding me."

I only did what I thought was best, but I nod anyway. "You're welcome." I look to the night sky and then back to you. "Would you like to try sleeping again? I'll hold you this time."

You nod and I lay down, pulling you down with me. Your body melds against my own, and I wrap my arms around your stomach. I feel you rest a hand over top of mine. It's harder for me to hold you like this since I'm shorter, but I don't mind. I close my eyes work on falling asleep again. You fall asleep before I do, and it's the gentle, even sound of your breathing that finally helps me to relax. My grip slackens around your waist, but your hand still holds tightly to mine, as though you're anchoring yourself. I know you know deep down that I'll never leave you. I won't let you go. Someday, I hope your nightmares will see that. It's the one thing I wish for most.


End file.
